Versace and Abbey (Kershaw) make a hot couple, so by comparison, the luxury label’s Abbey shopper should be as sexy as its namesake suggests. Alas, to my disappointment, it’s not.

You know what used to frustrate me as a kid? That game where you had to guide the ball through the maze without it falling down the holes. I’m pretty sure Nokia stole recreated it into ‘Snake’ sometime later. You know what also annoyed me? Mazes in the game pages of kids’ magazines. You think I can’t work out how to get to my pot of gold without crashing into a fence? Give me a break, I’m already stashing it in my purse .

Strangely enough, I loved actual mazes, like real bush ones. Anyway, I fear I may be digressing somewhat.

The patent pattern on Versace’s Abbey shopper reminds me of one of those mazes. Or, worse still, the Joker typeface (you know what I’m talking about, Microsoft). But if that was it’s only downfall, I could probably forgive my admittedly biased concerns on this handbag. Sadly, I’m not sold on the rest, either.

There’s only one thing worse than being so awful as to instil hate, and that’s being so boring you fail to arouse any feeling at all. And that, Versace, is my main problem with this bag. Aside from crazy paving squiggles – the Greek key motif that’s appeared across its SS11 accessories collections – what is the iconic Italian label actually giving us?

A plain, boring shopper. And at £1,380.99, I won’t be wearing one any time soon. Now where did I leave my Nokia? That Snake was darn addictive…